7 Things You Should Never Do in a Club

[Zomi Community Network]

Going to nightclubs would be a lot more enjoyable if people knew how to behave properly. Follow these seven simple yet important rules and
you'll make life easier for everyone.

The best part about going to nightclubs—especially on the weekends—is that you are surrounded by strangers who might become new friends, give you a bump, or go back to your house to have sex. The worst part about
being in nightclubs—especially on the weekends—is that you are
surrounded by strangers who are unruly, annoying, get in the way,
thereby ruining the very venue you're trying to enjoy. For those of you
who don't go out that often—or those of you that do, but are just
uncouth animals who don't know how to behave—here are seven things that
you should not do in a club ever again. Follow this advice and you'll be
a model clubgoer in no time at all.

Don't Take Pictures

Most nightclubs are dark. Do you know what it's like to go from being in a dark room to having your eyes exposed to a bright, stabbing light? Yeah, it sucks. But that is what happens to all the people standing by
you every time you take a picture of your friends. We get that you want
to document the evening, and a snap or two is fine. But there's always
that drunk girl who can't go two seconds without setting off that flash
in everyone's faces and driving us batty. Your Facebook profile is
probably already brimming with evidence of your friends' bad decisions.
Don't add to it. Why not stop worrying about preserving the memories,
put down the cameras, and make some new ones?

Don't Stand on the Stairs

Didn't your mother tell you not to play on the stairs? Invariably, someone always does, usually so they can talk to someone going in the other direction. This creates gridlock because no one can go from one
level to the other (and, trust us, you are not nearly important enough
to keep everyone from mingling). The same goes for people who hang out
at the top or bottom of the stairs. Then everyone has to go around you,
thus constricting the flow of traffic and making getting around
horrible. Use the stairs for travel only and then find a nice
out-of-the-way spot to hang out. This rule also applies to single-level
clubs. Don't park your ass next to the entrance, the bathroom door, or
in the middle of a narrow hallway. Even if the place isn't too crowded,
you're getting in the way isn't helping any.

Don't Flag Down a Bartender

There is no one more annoying than that ass who walks up to a crowded bar and yells, "Hey, bartender!" and wags his money at the man pouring drinks. First of all, you are by no means any more important than any of
the people who are waiting patiently for a cocktail. Secondly, this is
just going to piss the bartender off. Let the bartender get to you. He
knows what he's doing. (Hopefully.) Yelling for him is only going to
insure he ignores you.

Don't Order an Appletini

I don't have a problem with martinis, regardless of whether they're apple, tangerine, mudpie, or margarita-flavored. But don't order any drink that comes in a martini glass. This is a sit-down drink best saved
for a quieter spot where you can place it on a table and not spill it
on everyone, thereby making the floor first wet and then sticky. Also:
They take forever to make. Just get a vodka soda or a gin and tonic and
let everyone get to the bar a little bit quicker and drier. Thanks!

Don't Hold Hands

If you want to stand there and hang on to your significant other, that's fine. What I'm referring to are those obnoxious people who insist on making a train whenever they move through a crowd. This is annoying
and inconvenient for every single person you jostle and bump with your
chain gang. Stop it. No matter how big the club is, you don't need to
have your friends that close at hand. You probably won't lose them, and
if you do, you'll find them again. And if you don't, you can make new
friends. You're in a club for God's sake.

Don't Ignore the Bathroom Attendant

Although I think they are a bit annoying, the bathroom attendant has the shittiest job in the whole club. They have to sit and watch a bunch of drunk people poo and pee and apply lipstick and flush the toilet to
mask the sound of inhaling white substances off a key. That sucks. So on
your way out, take a mint or a spritz of perfume and leave them a
dollar. It's the least you can do.

Don't Dance on a Banquette

You are not Paris Hilton, please do not behave as if you are. You will just end up looking like an attention-seeking idiot who never goes out. Then you'll fall over,
spill someone's drink, break your heel, show everyone that you are not
wearing panties, piss everyone off, and probably get your whole posse
shown the door. There is a whole area reserved for dancing. It's called
the dance floor. Go check it out.